1. The ghost of Hamlet's father will not be played by the entire ensemble underneath a giant piece of diaphanous black material.

24. I will not show the earth opening up unless I have a very good reason for it.

25. I will not use long red ribbons to represent blood, particularly if the long red ribbons bear an unnerving resemblance to pasta.

30. As much as I enjoy his films, I will not steal from Kenneth Branagh. It's not like people won't notice.

40. Titania should not be portrayed as a dominatrix.

73. Lady Macbeth will never be allowed to whine.

84. I will not demonstrate that any character is boorish and obnoxious by having him spray copious amounts of saliva everywhere with each line. The rest of the cast will thank me for it.

132. If you are setting Macbeth in the modern era, there is no excuse for people fighting with broadswords in the subway, no matter how much you loved Highlander.

153. Puck should not wear a tutu. Nor should he be twins.

154. As much as I like the actress, I will not cast Hamlet as a woman pretending to be a man.

180. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern will not enter on a miniature train.

196. I will avoid dressing people up like Nazis or Fascists. Especially in the Merchant of Venice.